the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
