Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
