"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
