I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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