i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
