to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
