nut hugger
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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