If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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