All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
