I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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