I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
