I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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