well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
