I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
