that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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