I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
