ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
there is glitter all over my balls
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