Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
