Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize