i was rollin on her like bob the builder
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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