she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
