Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
