That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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