yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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