Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
