They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
