We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize