The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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