Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This is my gift to your gina
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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