fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
