just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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