I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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