ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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