You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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