u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We are all done wearing pants today
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
