what day is it and did you see me today?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
