I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
