I am in a vortex of obligation.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
