Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
