airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
