I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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