Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
