my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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