my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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