I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
These tits shall not be calmed
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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