we're blogging at a bar
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
