that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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