FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
