So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Randomize
