Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
