After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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