just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
