We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
