My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
