I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
