It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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