what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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