I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm bleeding and have questions
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
