are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
