Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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