I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize