I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
