It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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