Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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