My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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