I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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