My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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