So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
