I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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