Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize