We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
