i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
