just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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