get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
