I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dicks are not precious.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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