whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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