I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
