Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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