get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It was confusing and full of hummus
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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