she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
