you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
