I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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