It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
