She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
