In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my sisters under your porch take her home
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
