Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize