bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
