I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
