i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
