I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
